Teenage Angst: Working With Your INNER Teenager.
This is an important (tough) spot:
We’re coming into some BIG astrology in the next few weeks, we’re upgrading in human form, we’re processing our deepest issues & traumas & truths while being bombarded by information & “scary this scary that”, we have VERY LITTLE solid foundation to stand on & are hopping timelines left & right & NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME that there’s inner TEENAGER vibes in the air, Sarah?!
YES! Let’s talk, get to know our inner teenager & wrangle THEM before they get triggered by the “out there” & try to destroy your life. THEY WILL - they try! When they’re not getting attention & need it - they will do most anything to get it. Including engaging in fights they have NO BUSINESS being in. Let’s learn to:
Identify our inner teenager / style
Learn to talk to them / get to know them
Spend some healthy time with them weekly so they don’t pop up in ways that are damaging.
TEENAGE angst.
There’s something in the AIR. It’s coming in hot - like if Mary Poppins rode down in a 1987 Chrysler LeBaron (white with a black soft top convertible - my teen Sarah car) blasting Luda & Shaggy at top levels. That’s MY inner teenager style - what about you?
After we collectively process the inner child: get to know them, warm them, feed them & make them feel safe. They might curl up next to us & nap - or go outside & play in the sandbox of our inner mansion (self). We feel soft with them, pleased with ourselves & proud that we did some healthy reparenting! The child inside needs LOVE but not as many words - they don’t have layers of emotions they don’t fully know how to process. In a way … the inner child is the ancient one - the Oracle. They KNOW - they get it. They truly do.
Next comes the teenage self… & don’t you know it: they are PISSED. They are PISSED about things they understand & pissed about things they DON’T understand. They want to lash out irrationally & tell you WHAT’S WHAT in THEIR world - in THIER way. They are confused, need attention - but don’t want THAT kinda attention - they want the attention THEY DECIDE THEY WANT, WHEN & HOW. It’s like a cat in ways. Loving the teenage self is like loving a cat.
In many seasons of life before truly integrating my shadow, Mars & teenager – I DID allow my teenager to run the ship (my Human Self) & she almost destroyed my life. A few times! She spent all my money, identified as this & they & found ways to attract attention… ANY attention. However I could get it, from whomever I could get it from, wherever – it didn’t matter! I was getting attention & that was all I needed.
[Insert my entire Waking Up Post Woke Series Here] for teenage Sarah & 2020/2021 Sarah stories. HOURS of my tale & life for reference. But it’s not about that story today - this is about YOU & how to work with YOUR inner teenager. What I CAN offer you are the tools I learned along the way & what DID work for me. In hopes that it might work for you as well.
What DID work? In the beginning…
In the midst of recognizing my Inner Teenager was running amuck & slowly destroying my entire life - or making it plateau in ways that were VERY unhealthy - I got to know her.
Every morning I meditate, I have for MANY years & this practice shifts… it ebbs & flows with what you are working on & with. So when I was working with my teenager it went like this:
Breathwork & grounding as normal
cutting ties & taking power back across all timelines & time & space
tending to my inner mansion, garden, self & speaking directly to God.
checking in on my inner child, loving them, caring for her & giving her anything she needed.
THEN to my Teenager - I went to her room (in my minds eye), sat with her & in a VERY stern way asked: “what do you need?”
After I felt sovereign & in control- I would sit with her every single day & was there (every single day) for as long as she needed. I sat with her & talked & listened - to make sure she felt: safe, protected & given something to do. She loved to read books in the trees, eat pizza & dance around her room to the CDs she had, she loved to wear gems on her face (that’s where it began!) & had a beanbag chair with stuffed animals all over it. She loved to fly around & sit in the sun. She loved to feel FREE - but she was scared & didn’t know what was going on. She felt she had to DO something, make money - figure out how to. Get attention, attract boys, etc. She thought she was ME & not a part of me.
*** actual teenage Sarah knit a sweater for one teddy bear on the beanbag chair, ripped a hole in the back of it & sewed on a button. Then she got a thermos & put brandy from my fathers bar in it, tucked in a few cigarettes as well. Hiding, in a teddy bear, in plain sight. God I was a spunk of a kiddo.
I did this practice for the better part of a YEAR. DAILY - for an entire YEAR I spent getting to know my teenage self; what she felt like, sounded like, what she needed, how she shifted, what triggered her, how she would act out, etc. As much time as was needed until I could FEEL in me: “she’s coming up & needs to TALK.”
Some journal questions you can ask yourself here:
what does MY inner teenager sound like?
when are they triggered? when do they pop up most?
when was the last time I actively CHOSE to sit with them? without them needing to “act out” to get my attention?
is this how I was treated as a teenager in human life? when did I get attention back then? was it positive / negative / neutral? DID I get attention?
HOW TO: tell when the INNER Teenager needs attention or is coming up in daily life:
I KNOW my inner teenager is popping up when I hear the phrase: “I don’t wanna…”
… answer that email
… post that video
… go to the gym
…. pay that bill
It’s her when this falls on a “normal” Tuesday or “normal” workday (aka NOT the full moon or in a specific part of my cycle).
This feeling & this phrasing might look VERY different for you. REMEMBER OUR JOURNAL Qs ABOVE.
Once you KNOW what they sound like/feel like… do not avoid it when they come up!
WHAT TO DO: when your INNER Teenager DOES act up & needs attention:
WHEN this happens… sit with that feeling - whenever it pops up & feel it deeply. Don’t avoid it, or put it off - GO IN.
*** If you are IN a session, at work, talking to someone, in a meeting, parenting your actual children, on a LIVE, etc. when they pop up - take yourself out of that situation, go to the loo & look in the mirror. Do this at your earliest convenience & NOT surrounded by others.
THEN ask yourself: who is talking, here? Say it out loud & see what emotions come to the surface. Let your teenager respond, see how intensely they are triggered, give them a moment to talk it out - sometimes a quick chat is all that is required - but DO NOT put this off! Feel it, be with them immediately or ASAP. Do NOT parent like your parents did: GIVE THEM immediate attention. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Based on the intensity of the trigger - ask yourself next:
Can I continue my day as normal or do I need to make some active shifts to be with my inner self right now?
Can I handle tending to the teenager while ALSO running my planned day?
Choose your own adventure here & take action steps.
NEXT: when you DO decide to be with them after the immediate trigger: talk it out! Play, yell & scream, cry, dance, move, throw things, shower cry, angst music, the Breakfast Club - do ANYTHING that is helpful & BE WITH THEM. Not scolding them for acting out, not being upset - but BE with them.
However this works for YOU: do it. GET IT OUT! BE with them & FEEL the emotion deeply.
***I love to do this while driving - I get to have the FULL convo with my teenage self while driving…. she loves / loved to drive. It feels like flying - it feels free. We listen to loud music, windows down, we dance & cry. Tom Petty on… it feels SO GOOD. Try it out!
Integration looks like:
Once the year of the deep dive began to settle & my inner teenager trusted me a bit more - we integrated the work. I would bring her to the gym, take her for drives, talk to her whenever she needed, give her the Full Moons to feel & dance, I gave her canvases & rolled around in paint, let her make a mess, eat pizza (GF) & have healthy snacks, watch movies, giggle & be free. I would let her be naked at home in safe spaces (NOT online) & give her the chance to love her body / self as it is where it is, I would let her look in the mirror, journal, do TONS of things that I love to do! But I wouldn’t judge the way it came out, I wouldn’t put it in a box, I would be WITH myself & not on a stage to prove anything or get attention that was “out there”…
GIVING OURSELVES THE ATTENTION THAT WE NEED.
With OUT the external validation. THIS is deep. In a world full of: if you don’t post it… did it really happen? Giving yourself the space to FEEL deeply & process something profound & gorgeous with OUT the eyes of others - this is VERY important (ESPECIALLY FOR MY CONTENT CREATORS HERE) this is the good stuff. THIS is where the magic happens.
How often do I need to BE with my Inner Teenager?
This is a very personal questions & one only YOU can answer. I would say (to begin):
Once a week - do something practical with them & invite them along the way! If you go to the gym, once a week dress like your teenage self a bit OR give them a bit more control over the gym outfit.
Once a month: work with Full Moon Energy: since we KNOW once a month we are ALL collectively acting a FOOT: give it to your teenager! Snacks, dance, rest, cry, be irrational, emotional, paint - make art! Rearrange a corner of the house. Do what YOU want to do but with them - what kind of foods do they like eating? Give them healthy versions of that & watch some feel good movies!
If after reading this article & WATCHING MY VIDEO COMPANION: Teenage Angst: Working with Your INNER Teenager you resonate with my tale of teenage Sarah RUNNING the ship & recognize your Teenage Self MIGHT BE in control of your human life: then I would integrate daily work with them. I would sit with them & get to know them every day for 30 days & take it from there.
Remember: this is VERY deep work…
& if you are NEW to it - please reach to book a session & we can process this season of your life together. I also have my Awakened Mastery Program - if you are keen to do the work yourself but would love some structure & guidelines along the way. We go over the entire inner team, getting to know them & how to placate them. If not with me - totally okay but please find someone to hold space for you & help you navigate this experience.
You are NOT alone in what you are experiencing & this is something we ALL must look it. EVERYONE has an inner child & inner teenager. What we DO about that & how we treat them is completely up to us.
I am SO very proud of you all!! We are in uncharted waters here astrologically & it is a privilege to work along side you during this season of life.
What questions do you have for me? Please reach out directly at ANY time & let me know how I can support you along the way.
As always,
SARAH